Planning a honey of a honeymoon

08-23-2003

Although the origins of the word "honeymoon" are not entirely clear, it's generally associated with the notion that the first month of marriage is always the sweetest.

The term may derive from a centuries-old tradition among Israelis. When a man took a bride, the couple would spend the first night, or moon, in seclusion, drinking bride ale, which was made from fermented honey, in addition to doing what newlyweds do. Or "honeymoon" may come from the Old Norse word hjunottsmanathr, which translates approximately as "wedding night month."

Whatever the actual origins, honeymoons have come to mean the post-wedding trip both to flee the nuptial distractions by going away together and getting to know each other, in a variety of senses.

Modern traditions dictate that since it is likely that the bride has done most of the wedding planning, the bridegroom plans the honeymoon. Deciding where to go and what to do should be a mutual decision, but the bridegroom should shoulder the burden for making the arrangements.

As I've discovered in recent months in relation to my son Zach's upcoming marriage, the bridegroom's side of the equation is expected to pay for the honeymoon.

A hundred years ago, Niagara Falls became known as the honeymoon capital of the world, and a surprising number of couples still choose that option, but many of today's newlyweds are going more upscale. (See this week's Top Ten on Page F-3.)

Whether the trip involves a long flight or short drive, a multitude of resorts and hotels are geared toward honeymooners trying to get away from it all, offering a variety of recreational activities and dining options. At many, you can buy a honeymoon package and pay one price that covers your room, meals, recreational facilities, airport transfers and other amenities.

At some resorts, you'll pay for your alcoholic beverages, snacks and other incidentals separately; at others everything is included, even tips for the staff. That leaves you free to concentrate on having a wonderful time without thinking about how much every little thing costs.

Cruises are another popular option. Similar to all-inclusive resorts, the cruise fare generally covers all travel, accommodations and meals, along with a variety of recreational activities. In effect, the cruise becomes a resort in motion, letting you visit different locations without having to pack and unpack.

Other couples use their honeymoons to explore new places and expand their cultural knowledge. Touring Paris, Rome or Tokyo might be your idea of the ultimate honeymoon, but many American cities such as San Francisco and New York offer plenty of interesting possibilities.

Adventure honeymoons are an increasingly popular option. While some couples prefer to spend their post-wedding week lying on a tropical beach, others want to go whitewater rafting, rock climbing or camping. Charter a yacht, explore a cave or do whatever brings you excitement; it's your honeymoon.

Start planning early, the sooner the better. That way, you'll have time to research your trip to get exactly what you want. Some popular honeymoon options must be reserved up to a year in advance, especially for peak travel dates.

Although these days you can plan and book every detail of the trip yourself, it may be wise to use a travel agent to put the honeymoon together. That's especially true if you're not familiar with where you'd like to go or with the ins and outs of trip planning. The agency will almost certainly charge a fee to do this, but it's a small price to pay for the convenience and peace of mind of having someone who knows the ropes planning your trip.

By all means, share the planning. Apart from practical considerations, if one of you makes all the decisions, he or she will feel guilty if things don't go as planned. Similarly, if you don't take part in planning, you may end up dissatisfied with what is decided.

Set a tentative budget, including your expectations and priorities. Agree beforehand about where you'll splurge and where you'll skimp. That can avoid money hassles en route, a frequent cause of travel stress, not to mention marital stress.

Take it easy on yourselves. Avoid making reservations for an early departure the morning after your wedding night. Reserving a flight that departs later in the day will save you from arriving at your destination bleary-eyed.

Also avoid destinations that involve multiple flights and long connections. Allow the first few days of the honeymoon to recover from post-wedding exhaustion and focus on each other. Don't try to do too much. Remember, you'll have plenty of chances to travel together in your married life, but only one honeymoon.

Make sure your travel documents are in order. In addition to airline tickets, that may include passports and visas if you're traveling abroad.

Even if the bride is taking her husband's last name, it usually wiser for her to make transportation reservations in her maiden name. Unless the couple is taking a delayed honeymoon, it's unlikely she'll be able to get her passport or driver's license changed until after they get back. In these security-conscious days, even domestic plane flights can be a real problem if the name on the travel documents doesn't exactly match the name on your official ID documents.

Pack a sense of humor. Although you're deeply in love, a bit of flexibility can be valuable on a honeymoon. Know that not everything will go as planned and the weather can be inclement. Do what you can to remedy the situation at the moment, then relax and enjoy.

Know that it's not necessary to spend every moment together. In fact, it is probably wise to plan to spend some time away from each other doing separate things.

Don't be bashful about being honeymooners, especially with hotels, cruise lines, restaurants. If you tell them when you make your reservations, you are likely to enjoy special treatment, such as complimentary champagne in-flight or a gift basket in your room.

Finally, here's a novel idea that will help out both wedding guests and the bridegroom's impoverished parents. Let guests contribute to the honeymoon. Today's couples can register for all sorts of wedding gifts online. Why not the postnuptial vacation?

Many travel agencies can help accomplish this; a number of online agencies specialize in honeymoon registries. Couples pick their honeymoon destination and itinerary and put down a small deposit. Well-wishers can then visit the Web site and either contribute cash toward the trip's grand total or pay for a specific portion, such as a hotel night, dinner or moonlight massages. Honeymoon specialists: www.honeyluna.com (1-800-809-5862); www.afterido.com (1-800-956-4436); and www.thebigday.com (1-800-304-1141).

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